


Family Resort

by Anonymous_shipper



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Attempt at Humor, Awkward Conversations, Awkward situations, Blended AU, Blended family, Blind Date, Carla - 6 years, Doctor Eren Yeager, Eld - 8 years, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Eren - 29 years, Eren adopts, Eventual Bottom Levi, Eventual Levi/Eren Yeager, Eventual Top Eren Yeager, F/M, Family Get Away, Family Trip, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Humor, Insecure Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Isabel - 16 years, Levi - 26 years, Levi has two sons, M/M, Mentioned Character Death, Mike - 10 years, Minor Angst, Petra is kind of a bitch (I swear I love her), Pretend Relationship, Sasha - 13 years, Sassy Eren Yeager, Spring Break, a little smut, ereri, quotes from the movie
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-29
Updated: 2017-07-31
Packaged: 2018-12-08 09:08:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11643387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anonymous_shipper/pseuds/Anonymous_shipper
Summary: Levi endures one of the worst blind dates of his life after a year of being divorced. He vowed to never let his friend hook him up with someone again.But when Hanji's spring break doesn't work out as planned,  Levi asks if he can take his kids on her failed trip. And his blind date had the same idea.---This is based off the movie, Blended and it is my attempt at humour. I don't own Blended or Attack on Titan.





	1. Never Again

"It was the worst date ever, I'm never letting you set me up again," Levi explained as he dried the plate in his hands. "It couldn't have been that bad," Hanji responded, wiping down the counter. "Hanji, he took me to _Texas Roadhouse_ ," he said as if the mention of the restaurant disgusted him. "I hear they have good steak," she laughed. Levi placed the dish in the cupboard and turned to his friend. "Not funny, Hanji, they had peanut shells all over the floor. It made my skin crawl."

Hanji cackled at the raven's reply. "You need to lighten up, sourpuss, Eren's a good guy," she explained. "Right, that's his name," Levi picked up another plate, "Eren decided to arrive drunk off his ass in a filthy sweater and jeans" -he vigorously scrubbed the dish- "and old, mud caked boots. He only watched the sports channel, barely spoke to me, and drank my much needed beer when I was in the bathroom!"

She puckered her lips in a mocking pout. "Poor Levi couldn't drown his sorrows in alcohol."

The raven turned to his friend after almost slamming the plate in the cupboard. An evil glint shined in his eyes, and Hanji knew if he didn't have children to care for, Levi would jump over the counter and strangle her. "It's your fault my Saturday night was ruined, I could have stayed home with a glass of wine and binge-watched Netflix."

"So a typical Saturday night for you."

There was the evil glint again. "Levi you haven't been on a date in four years, and you've seemed lonely after that bitch left you," Hanji added, throwing the rag at Levi, who frantically grabbed at it, so it wouldn't drop to the floor. He hung the cloth on the faucet before turning to the brunette. "I don't need help with my love life, I'm perfectly happy with the kids."

"I don't understand how you haven't ripped your hair out, yet."

Levi rolled his eyes. "If you had kids you would understand."

"I might one day, Erwin has five of those monsters," she explained as she set to wiping down the stove with a paper towel. "How are you and Erwin?" Levi asked with a smile. He was happy for his friend on her newfound love, even if she never stopped talking about the _"blond beauty"_. Hanji's eyes lit up at the question, an excited gleam brightening her glasses.

"Great, he took me to a fancy restaurant!" she bounced with excitement at the mention of her boyfriend. "And he had a surprise for me" -she paused for effect- "he's taking me to Africa!"

Levi looked to his ecstatic friend with wide eyes of shock. "For spring break?" he inquired. Hanji nodded excitedly, grabbing her friend's shoulders and shaking them. "Isn't it so exciting?"

"Yes, but," Levi batted her hands away, "spring break is our busiest week, I'll need your help."

"Come on, Levi. I get a week trip alone with Erwin. I can find someone to replace me for the week," she suggested with pleading eyes. Levi sighed at Hanji's begging. He knew she had been wanting to spend more time with her boyfriend, and this was her perfect opportunity.

"Fine, as long as it's not Eren," Levi warned with his brows stitching together in an attempted threat. But Hanji threw her arms around the raven's neck, and almost suffocated him in a bear hug. "Of course not, he has a job too," she said. Levi hummed with a roll of his eyes. "But thank you! Thank you!" her hold on him tightened, and Levi swore he felt his spine crack. "Can't breathe," he explained, tapping his friend's shoulder. Hanji let go of her anaconda hold once she noticed the raven's face had turned a scarlet red.

Levi looked to the time on the stove after catching his breath. "Time is up. Do you need a ride home?" he questioned. Levi and Hanji had started their own cleaning business two years ago. They made good money off the profession since their clients consisted of wealthy families.

"Yeah, Erwin dropped me off," she explained with a giddy smile. "Okay, so am I taking you home or to Erwin's?" Levi asked with a small chuckle. "Could you drop me off at his house?" she asked with the same pleading eyes. "Sure."

Hanji went to throw her arms around him again, but Levi stopped her. "No hug, you almost killed me last time."

The brunette laughed at his response before resting her arms by her sides. Levi grabbed his keys from the pocket of his jeans. "Let's go."

*******

"Dad!"

Eren had just walked through the threshold of his home, exhausted from work, when his eldest daughter called for him. "Yes, Isabel?" he answered. "Where's the ketchup?" she questioned, the opening and closing of cupboards sounded from the kitchen. "There should be a new bottle in the cupboard over the fridge," he responded, kicking off his shoes.

"I'm too short to reach that!" she exclaimed. Eren couldn't help but laugh to himself. "I'll be there in a second."

He removed his coat before he heard his youngest daughter's voice. "Dad!" Carla barrelled towards Eren as he knelt down to pick her up and spin her around. Her curly, brown hair was pulled back in a bun, with a few loose strands falling into her gold eyes. But her tan skin was decorated in stickers of animated characters with sprinkles of glitter. "What did you do with my daughter?" he asked, pressing a kiss to the six-year-old's cheek. "Lily brought her sticker collection to school today," she stated with a wide grin. "Of course."

Eren hoisted his daughter up to sit on his shoulders. "Time to go help your sister," he said as his daughter laughed at her new height. He strolled to the kitchen, ducking through every entryway, so Carla wouldn't hit her head.

Isabel stood in the kitchen a plate on the counter by her side with a sandwich sitting on the dish. Her red hair rested against her shoulders. The girl's bright green eyes landed on Eren and she smiled. "How was your day, Isabel?" he asked as he opened the cupboard above the fridge. "Fine, basketball tryouts are after spring break," she explained as Carla grabbed the unopened bottle of ketchup, leaning against her dad's head.

"You'll do great," Eren assured as Carla handed the bottle to her sister. "Also, on the topic of spring break, are we going anywhere?" she inquired. The brunet gave his daughter an apologetic smile. "Sorry, I have to work that week, you could ask if a friend could stay for a while. And you can always go to Armin's house and use his pool."

Isabel's shoulders deflated, but she nodded with a small smile. "Okay. Just thought I would ask."

He pressed a kiss to the redhead's forehead. "I promise we'll do something big next year," he stated, Isabel's smile growing a bit in response. "I'm keeping you to your word," she said. "Yeah, you might have to remind me before next year's spring break," Eren chuckled. Isabel nodded again, her eyes regaining their gleam.

"Where is Sasha?" the brunet questioned. "She's up in her room," Isabel answered, picking up her neglected sandwich.

Eren set Carla on the ground, planting a kiss on her forehead before rushing upstairs.

He found Sasha sitting on the floor of her room surrounded by papers. Her hair wasn't in its usual ponytail, instead cascading down her back.

"Don't work yourself too hard," he chuckled, startling his daughter. Her golden brown eyes landed on Eren, and she smiled. "Hey dad, how was your day?" she asked, turning back to her papers. "Exhausting," he explained with a sigh. "Ditto."

Eren took a seat on the edge of her bed with a chuckle. "What are you up to?" he questioned, examining the papers from his distance. "I have a project due tomorrow," she explained. "Do you need any help?" he asked.

Sasha seemed to ponder the question for a minute before picking up a packet of papers. "Yeah, could you make a copy of these?" she questioned, reaching back to hand Eren the papers. The brunet smiled and nodded. "I'll be back in a minute."

Eren never had a wife or girlfriend, but he always loved children. He had adopted Isabel when he was twenty-four, fresh out of medical school. Sasha and Carla soon followed after a year. He had thought raising children by himself by himself would be easy, but he was entirely wrong. But he regretted nothing.

And he would be lying if he said he didn't need help, but he could never find anyone that interested him.

*******

"How are your math classes going, Mike? Are the online lessons helping?" Levi asked as he cooked dinner. His eldest son sat at the breakfast bar, studying for his next test. "Yeah," Mike mumbled, which Levi brushed off his monotone voice as concentration.

"Hey dad," Mike said, shattering the silence between them. Levi hummed, waiting for the other to continue. "Who's _eren.jaeger@hotmail.com_?"

Levi dropped the spatula he was using for the hamburgers and swung his gaze to his son. "Did you go through my email? What did I tell you about snooping?"

"Did you go on a date with him?" Mike asked, ignoring Levi's questions. The raven let out a sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Eren was an idiot. There's nothing between us," he explained after a few seconds of silence. "Promise?" Mike asked, a hint of a scowl sketched on his brow. "Promise," Levi replied, "And I'll talk to you later about snooping."

The back door slammed against the wall, making Levi jump. Eld came hurtling in, his brown eyes gleaming with a sugar high. "I'm the king of the world!" he shouted, arms flailing over his head as he ran around the small kitchen. The raven grabbed his son, trying to calm him down.

"Did your mom buy you ice cream?" Levi asked with a bit of irritation. "Yup! Rocky Road!" he yelled, trying to squirm out of his dad's hold.

"Got the kid home safely."

Levi turned around, still struggling with his hyper child, to see his ex-wife's boyfriend, Oluo. "Where's Petra?" the raven questioned his smirking enemy. "She's waiting in the car," he replied. Levi rolled his eyes at the brown haired devil. "Well if she doesn't have the time to talk to me, tell her to not stuff our kids full of sugar and hand them back to me," he explained, still holding down his crazed son.

"You got it, I'll let her know right away," he explained, and threw Eld's book bag on the floor. "That's not where that-"

But Oluo left, slamming the door behind him before Levi could finish his sentence. "-goes."

Levi's attention went back to Eld, who was still trying to escape his hold. "Mike, go take your brother to the living room, and make him watch...something," he demanded. The eldest son noticed his dad's beginning of a bad mood and quickly did as he said.

The raven picked up Eld's bag and placed it on the correct hook. His home was clean and organised down to every corner, the divorce had given him those benefits. He was happy for Petra's newfound joy, he just hated her boyfriend.

Levi was dragged away from his thoughts when the smell of sizzling meat entered his nose. "Shit," he muttered, and rushed back to the stove, just in time to save their dinner.


	2. Convenience Store Reunion

Eren stood at the sink cleaning up his family's dinner plates. Isabel and Sasha had gone upstairs, while Carla was latched onto his leg. He handed her a rinsed dish, and she placed it in the dishwasher while still holding onto Eren. He smiled at the weight on his leg as she nuzzled her head into his limb.

"I think it's time for you to go to bed, missy," he explained as he handed her another plate. "No!" she cried. "Yes," he sang back. But Carla's grip on his leg tightened. "Do I need to bribe you?" Eren questioned, handing her a spoon to place in the dish washer. "One movie, and I'll go to bed!" she announced as Eren turned off the faucet. He closed the dishwasher, "Alright, what movie?"

" _Chitty Chitty Bang Bang_!" she exclaimed. Eren smiled at his youngest daughter who had been a human leech all day. "Are you walking up to your room, or are you staying on my leg?" he questioned. "I'm staying!"

Eren let out a huffed chuckle. "Alright, hold on tight," he explained. Carla secured her arms and legs around her dad's calf as he trudged out of the kitchen.

Getting up the stairs was the most challenging part with his daughter wrapped around his limb like an anaconda. But he made it to the second floor with the side effect of his muscles being sore. He still dragged the leg carrying his daughter down the hall to Sasha's room. She was still working on the finishing touches of her project when he peeked into her room.

"Goodnight, Sasha. Don't stay up too late," he explained. The brunette turned to look up at her dad before nodding. "Goodnight, dad."

"Goodnight, sissy!" Carla shouted, her cheek squished against her dad's leg. Sasha looked down to her sister and smiled. "Goodnight, Carla," she replied with a chuckle.

Eren dragged himself to his room before ripping Carla from his leg. She giggled as he plopped her down onto the cushiony mattress. " _Chitty Chitty Bang Bang_?" he asked to confirm his daughter's request. "Yes!" she exclaimed, standing to bounce on the bed. The brunet smiled at Carla's excitement, her golden eyes gleaming. He retrieved the correct movie from the shelf and inserted it into the DVD player.

He picked up his little girl with an exaggerated grunt. "My little girl is getting so big," he explained, pressing a kiss to Carla's cheek. She giggled as he collapsed onto the bed. The movie began showing an array of old commercials as Eren laid down with his daughter cuddled into his side.

Eren combed his fingers through her chocolate locks, hoping it would send her into a deep sleep. But Carla was still wide awake while the movie played, and Eren felt his eyelids dropping. He didn't realise he had dozed off until there was a knock on his bedroom door.

The brunet jerked awake and looked to the entryway. Isabel stood at the door frame with a jacket over her pyjamas. "Hey dad, where are the car keys?" she asked. Eren's brows knitted together. "Why do you want the car? You can't drive without me with, and I need to stay and watch her," he replied, indicating to the still awake brunette beside him. "Whatever it is, it can wait until tomorrow."

"It's kind of an emergency," she replied with a sigh. "What emergency?" Eren asked, cocking his head to the side. "She's becoming a woman, dad!" Carla responded, making Eren give her a questioning look. "What?" he asked, trying to hold back an awkward chuckle. "Monstrating," she added with a nod as if to confirm her dad's suspicions. But it threw him farther into the pit of confusion. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"I'm on my period, dad!" Isabel blurted with a hint of irritation to her voice. Eren's eyes widened, and he swore his face was turning bright red. He quickly got to his feet and walked over to his eldest daughter. "Okay, okay. I'll run to the store and get what you need, just please watch her," he pointed to Carla, "If she falls asleep, I'll take her to her room when I get back," he explained. The redhead nodded. "I'll be back soon," he explained, rushing down to retrieve his keys.

*******

It had taken hours for Eld to crash from his sugar high, but now he was fast asleep under the baseball decorated comforter on his bed. Mike had gone to bed not long after, sensing his dad might not be in the best of moods.

Levi loved the midnight silence. He finished a load of laundry in peace while sipping a cup of tea.

The raven silently carried the basket of folded clothes upstairs to quickly separate the clothes in the different rooms. He stepped into Eld's room, smiling when he saw his son's sleeping form against the lava lamp. As silently as possible, Levi opened the drawers of the blond's dresser and placed his folded clothing in the proper compartment.

Once finished, he headed to Mike's room across the hall. His room was decorated in posters of wrestlers and _Street Fighter_ games. Mike loved wrestling, even if he couldn't harm a fly.

Levi did the same routine as he did in Eld's room. But something caught his eye as he was placing folded t-shirts in Mike's top drawer. A crumpled paper was stuffed under his dresser in an attempted hiding spot. The raven picked it up, scoffing a bit from his son's hoarding habit.

The paper was ripped from a magazine with a provocative image printed on the glossy paper. But Levi felt his stomach churn when he noticed his sons' babysitter's face plastered on the magazine. He felt himself almost gag as he ripped up the paper. He was wishing he hadn't found his son's trove of porn.

He looked to the pile of shredded paper in his hands as he realised he had a hidden stash of magazines when he was younger. "Shit," he mumbled as he quickly but quietly headed downstairs to grab his keys.

*******

Eren stood awkwardly in the toiletry section of the convenience store. An array of menstrual necessities in flowery boxes were presented to him. A few passing women gave him odd looks, which he would return an awkward smile.

He realised he should have asked Isabel what brand of tampons she needed. And of course he forgot his phone at home.

But he took a gander.

Eren picked up a red, medium-sized box with white butterflies dancing around the brand. He studied the design before shrugging and turning to go check out.

But something caught his eye. A familiar figure was seemingly hiding behind the small section of books and magazines. He knitted his eyebrows together before slowly approaching the area.

And a smirk lifted the ends of his lips when he realised who it was.

Levi.

"Hey," the brunet waved. Levi looked up to him with a defeated expression. His hiding plan had been compromised. "Hi," he sighed, holding a bundle of magazines close to his chest. "Coincidence seeing you here," Eren furthered on the conversation, knowing Levi didn't want to talk to him. Levi hummed with lips pursed in annoyance.

"What are you doing here?" Eren questioned. "I live close, and I needed to pick something up," Levi replied as if it were obvious. "Ah, I see you needed to pick up..." he tried to discreetly look at what the raven was holding, "...porn?"

Levi looked like a deer caught in headlights when Eren pointed out his crime. "I guess it is true what they say about librarians," the brunet chuckled, referencing the outfit Levi had worn on their date. The raven had arrived in a turtle neck with a black blazer and khaki trousers. When he sat across from Eren, the brunet asked him why he was dressed up like a librarian.

Hearing the inside joke, Levi rolled his eyes. " _Hardy har har_ , these aren't for me, they're for my son," as soon as the words left his mouth, he wanted to take them back. Eren was silent with brows stitched together. Levi hoped he wouldn't comment on it.

"And your son is in college then?" the brunet questioned. He should have just admitted they were his. "No, he's ten," Levi explained, furthering Eren's confusion. "Progressive father, I get it. Now why are you out buying his porn on a Tuesday night?" he asked. Levi sighed, not wanting to have this conversation. "I found a ripped out page with his babysitter's face on it. I tore it up and now I'm trying to find a replacement," he gave the brief summary, tightening his grip on the magazines.

"Um...alright, so your solution is to buy all the porn magazines you can carry?" Eren asked, silently counting the magazines he held. Five, five magazines. "Well I don't know where the picture is from," he defended.

"Do you have the evidence?" Eren inquired, reaching out his hand. Levi rummaged through his pockets for the pieces. "Sorry, they're kind of...in pieces."

Eren examined the once intact paper before picking up a sealed magazine on the shelf. "Here," he explained, nonchalantly handing the packet to the raven. Levi looked to Eren oddly.

"My friend, Connie has a collection of these. He says as long as he's single, he's not throwing his stash out," Eren explained before Levi could ask.

"Sure, so there isn't any porn magazines littered in your home?" Levi inquired with a smirk. But Eren didn't lose his composure from the question. "Nope, never have and never will."

"I highly doubt that."

" _Hardy har har_ ," Eren mocked.

"Okay, what about you? You're buying...tampons... for your mom?" Levi asked, looking at the box tucked under Eren's arm. "It's for my daughter," he corrected.

"You have a daughter," Levi laughed in disbelief. "Not _a_ daughter, three," Eren replied. The raven stopped his chuckling and stared at the other with wide eyes. "Three?" Levi said, his jaw almost coming unhinged. Eren nodded.

"Wow, I didn't expect you to be the father type," he said. "Quick to judge?" Eren asked with a smirk. Levi rolled his eyes before asking, "Okay big shot, what are their names?"

"Isabel, Sasha, and Carla," he replied, smiling fondly. "I wonder who's the lucky women," Levi said. "Don't know, they're adopted," Eren explained, making Levi's eyes narrow. "What job gives you enough money to adopt three children?"

"I'm a doctor," Eren answered with a cocky grin, making Levi's brows knit together. "You're a doctor?" he asked. Eren nodded again, throwing Levi into a laughing fit.

"Alright, what do you do?" the brunet questioned as Levi tried to recover from his mocking chuckles.

"Hanji and I have a cleaning service," he explained with a sigh. Eren blinked a few times before an odd smirk drew his lips up as if he was blessed with a genius idea. "You're a maid?" he asked. Levi's smug smile faded in an instant before he hit Eren's shoulder like a choleric child. "No, we're hired to clean people's homes when they're away or busy," he defended.

"So...a maid."

"N-no, uh, do I look like a female to you?" the raven asked with lasting, childish rage. "No, but you act like one, which brings me back to the tampons," Eren said, throwing the box of menstrual necessities a little before catching it upside down in both palms. Levi let out an irritated breath. "How old is your daughter?"

"Sixteen."

Levi looked to the box and shook his head. He removed it from Eren's hands and led him back to the aisle of menstrual items. "I'm guessing this is your first time shopping for your daughter's time of the month," he placed the tampons back on the shelf to retrieve another box. "Here," Levi handed the new, and seemingly not different, box to Eren. He looked to the raven with drawn brows. "I had a wife," Levi explained after he caught Eren's questioning gaze.

"Oh my apologies, I just thought your knowledge on tampons was because you shove them up your ass," Eren said with a mocking smirk. Levi's eyes narrowed and he childishly hit Eren again. "Shut up, y-you...jerk."

The brunet chuckled at Levi's attempted comeback, and he voiced his fondness of the other's comment, "Good attempt at the retort, you really are the unofficial sports mom of the group."

Eren basked in the look of annoyance and hatred Levi gave him. And another hit to his shoulder. "Shut up."

The brunet chuckled at Levi's stubborn expression. "Sorry, I guess you didn't like that, we'll stick with librarian then."

Another hit to his shoulder. "Gosh, you're going to leave a bruise," Eren pouted, rubbing his abused shoulder. "That's the plan," Levi replied. They stared at each other silently with competitive glares. But the overhead speakers announced that the store would be closing soon. "I'm guessing that's our cue to leave," Eren stated.

They went to the cashier in silence, happy to find two available and quickly made their separate purchases. They didn't speak on their way out, only an awkward farewell before they went to their vehicles and drove home.


End file.
